State of the World

Does anyone else see that the world, wait I can't speak for the world, but America is in a state of turmoil? The media is brainwashing people, sucking their lives right out of them. America has turned into a culture, and I'm taking this from my brother, of "spoon-fed" infants. I don't want to step on anyone's toes, but this needs to be said.

People base their lives on images and ideas that they come across in everyday life. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, not the maker of a universal standard of beauty. There is no universal standard of beauty. I REPEAT, THERE IS NO UNIVERSAL STANDARD OF BEAUTY. I really don't believe in changing yourself for other people. The idea of unnecessary plastic surgery loses me. I'm all for self-improvement if its really what you want and you're not basing your decision of the influence of others. God made everyone how they should be, and you shouldn't go purposefully messing up God's work. I'll admit, I once fell under the influence of others and their beauty standard. But now I know I'm perfect just the way I am. (In no way was that meant to sound conceited.) Following any standard but your own is basically setting yourself up for failure. If someone who "loves" you acts you to physically change yourself i.e. breast augmentation, nose job, liposuction, etc. Do they really love you if they can't take you as you are? And don't say those are imperfections, because they're only imperfection if they stray from that flawed non-existent universal standard of beauty.

Materialistic- concerned with material wealth and possessions at the expense of spiritual or intellectual values. What is the point? The obsession with name brands is ridiculous. I'll admit that at one point brand names mattered but not as much as it does to a lot of people. I mean who isn't at first, it's bred into you, well it is for most people. With me it was more of a casual preference. My mother bought me certain clothes and when I had to purchase my own clothes I just followed her lead. I couldn't afford it, but that was all I knew. I've never been one to follow clothing trends nor one to be very flashy. Now brand names mean nothing to me, I only have a preference for the way certain clothes fit. Certain brands fit better than others and that's the only influence on my choice. Not the cost of it. I don't buy stuff just because its expensive. But in a more general since, does having the most expensive car, clothes, jewelry, house, etc. make you happy? It shouldn't. Acquiring these material possessions won't make life greater or grander. If you're not happy with what you have, then you won't truly be happy with what you get. You'll just think well I don't have enough and try to get more. Life will turn into a vicious cycle. NO happiness there.

Anyway...on to consumerism- consuming material goods in excess of basic needs. Much related to materialism. Everywhere there is an advertisement for everything. Product pushing. Jeese Louise! It's ridiculous. The American public is preoccupied with the ideals and values of consumerism. America has an egocentric, mass-produced, consumer based society. Greed, greed, greed. More, more, more. Empty money hungry souls buy television time to thrust empty products and ideas into the homes of American citizens. No cessation. Whoever controls the products people consume, essentially controls the American public. Am I saying that the American public is a bunch of mindless people leading meaningless, consumer-driven lives? By golly she's got it. That's exactly what I'm saying! I'll just let that marinate.

Is this really all there is to life?

I don't think so, but we'll save that discussion for another time. Enough ranting for now, but I'll touch back on this tomorrow maybe. My hands are tired. Signing off. Peace Out.

Meditations on Life

My world...my world is changing. My priorities are getting in line and I'm growing up, making decisions that affect the rest of my life and its style. Who do I want to be? I want to be Wendi J., successful woman who inspires others. I want to be that starving artist, maybe not in the literal since of the word "starving" but in a figurative since. In the way that I'm dedicated to my craft and people can see the dedication coming through my pores. Getting a "proper" job is not my destiny, hence the decision I've come to. So mostly, I want to do what I love while inspiring others to get up and do the same. Forget what society dictates to us about what we have to do, what we have to look like, how we have to act, and who we have to be. Do you and forget everyone else. I'm an individual, everybody is an individual. However, not everyone embraces their uniqueness as I do. I know I'm weird and I love it, because I know who I am and no one dictates my life. A lot of people don't accept who they are or acknowledge what they really want to do. I feel sorry for them.

Where will I be in ten years? I no longer know. I used to have this extravagant outline for my life planned to a "T." But I realized there's no room for spontaneity and a lot of room for missed opportunity. As a result, I've decided to let things be and live day to day. "No Day But Today" right. lol. Real words to live by. I don't want my life to be filled with regrets. I'm quoting RENT here, "Forget regret or life is yours to miss." Jonathan Larson hit that nail dead on its head. I think instead of planning every waking moment of my life, I will develop timely goals to guide me. But if I need to stray off the well worn path, I will. Wait a minute, I'm already off the well worn path. But if I need to pull out my machete and cut my own path through the underbrush, I will. I want to be excited for my life, so I will take on ventures and develop a career that allows that.

How do I want to live? I want to live my life for me. Point Blank.

Haha. I wanna learn so much. If it really was an option, I would be a professional student. But since its not, I'll be an amateur student if you understand that. I'll still be a student for the rest of my life, just not in an institutional sense. I'll just acquire knowledge and use the textbooks of everyday life, learning something from every person I meet. I don't understand people who don't have a thirst for knowledge, who don't want to broaden their horizons. What's up with that. Knowledge only improves your quality of life. There's no harm in that. I think that's why I'm so attracted to philosophy. I mean it's the love of wisdom. There's nothing that can beat that.

I don't want to conclude this, but I must. Peace out. I'm signing off.

Major Decisions

So... I've finally decided to go through with changing my major. I'm going to change it to... dun dunna duuuuuunnnnn! Philosophy with a double minor in French & Photography. Doesn't that sound exciting. I'm going to still keep my interest in architecture. I'll take a few classes in that because I really do enjoy, just not as my major. I've decided to create my own educational and career path. I'm combining all my interest into one to make my mark on the world. I'll probably become something along the lines of an architectural photographer. Or maybe I'll do that as a hobby, become a trophy wife, and let my husband support me. LOL! Probably not. I still have a lot of thinking to do about it, but I'm feeling really swell about my decision. Well until next time, Peace Out! :D

Let It Snow!!!!!!!!

Yaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!! It's Snowing!!!!!!!!

Numb

I don't know what it is, but a lot of times I feel so detached from what's going on around me, from myself. In order not to be hurt, I boxed up certain emotions and sent them away, and constantly have my guard up. But, as a result, I don't really feel anything. All other emotions have been toned down. How can a person live an expressionless existence? I don't know what caused this. Maybe it was some childhood experience that I've locked away. But I locked it so far away, even I can't reach it. What happened to me? I wonder...Do I really not cry because I think it's a useless waste? Or is that what I just tell myself as a cover up? Maybe I don't cry because I can't anymore. I'm not capable of just breaking down letting loose. Maybe I'm jealous of people who can, and that's why I don't like it. When I do cry are they really tears expressing grief, unhappiness, pain, etc? Or is it that the moisture rolling down my face is fake, stemming from my belief that the moment is appropriate for a teary eyed Wendi.

I sometimes find myself feeling like I'm observing my life. Like I'm not actually me, but a silent observer who can see through my eyes and witness everything that's going on, but never be an active participant. I feel like I'm watching my life story unfold before me, but I'm just dryly reading the story without getting the full sense of it. I don't know, it's hard to explain. Argh. Oh the frustration.

Only a handful of people in my life have had the opportunity to witness a true Wendi smile. And an even smaller group have actually caused one. I thank those people, for without them, I would have nothing to smile about. Constantly, I get crap about not smiling. Wendi, you should smile more. Wendi, why don't you smile? Wendi, what's wrong? Wendi, why are you always mad? Wendi... Please just leave me be. I don't like fake smiles, and I would rather not use them. But hey, give the people what they want. :) Wateve. It takes a lot to make me smile (genuinely), so if you see me straight faced, don't ask, nothing's wrong.

I was never really good at opening up and revealing myself to people. But with the help of a few that are close to me, I see the necessity of it. And slowly I'm beginning to let my guard down. Hopefully, one day I'll be able to really smile, cry, laugh, and vent, and not fake my way through it. I'll actually be me, not watching me but being me.

This really didn't go in the direction I wanted it to, but I'm off to class. Peace.

Goin through a lot...

Life is like a flawed precious gemstone. Although it may have scratches, bumps, discoloration, etc., it is still beautiful. There's always the cliche', you shouldn't take life for granted. T'is true, very true. Family is one of the most important aspects of life, and maintaining healthy relationships with members is key. I feel sorry for those who don't know their family or don't have good relationships with their family.

I'm one of those types of people who feels like they have to carry everyone else's burdens. I don't like to think about my problems or announce them. Other people's problems are monumental compared to my minuscule ones. Why worry other people. When some close to me is hurting, hurt too. I hate to see people I love suffer, especially when they suffer in silence or when I can't do anything to help them.

I cried today. That's big in my book. I never cry, and when I say never, I mean never. I used to view crying not as a sign of weakness, but something close to it. I thought it was pointless. What's the use in crying? What will it solve? I hate to cry, and I hate to see other people cry. It just bothers me. ...I don't know what I think now. But anyway I'm going to sign off before I can't see through the tears. Peace.

Boredom...

Ok! Seven days into 2oo7!? ....So....Wateve. No big.

So...school has started. Ohhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!! The agony! Argh! I have nothing further to say. I haven't posted in a while and thought I should. So today I went to IHOP and got stranded at the Potomac Yard shopping center. Not really, but close enough. There was a derailment on the metro. OMG! About ten fire engines raced down the street to the Convention Center (the derailment occurred on the tracks below). I don't know it was this crazy spectacle, sirens wailing, lights illuminating the way to the disaster. Weeeee woooooo weeeee woooooo! lol. The food was great! It took us about two hours to get there because of "major track delays", but it was worth it.

Anyway I'm supremely bored right now. But I'm signing off because I'm all out of words and my hands hurt. Peace out.