This weekend, I had a blast with my friends. We're always together during the week and the weekend, but this weekend something was different. Our usual weekend routine consists of going to the mall or to the movies and follow that up with dinner out or chilling at the crib playing wii or board games. Sometimes we mix it up and go to a play or musical and really enjoy the change of scenery.
This weekend was one of those times we did a total change of scenery. For the first time in a while the weather was beautiful and really accommodating to enjoying the outdoors. It definitely made lose focus whenever I was indoors, hindering my work efforts. So instead of being cramped up inside, we went outside Friday thru Sunday and enjoyed the weather.
We went to see the Cherry Blossoms a few times, we walked around Georgetown, and we sat outside on the restaurants' terraces and had go food and conversation. (We played laser tag and went to the movies too, but that doesn't count because it was inside.)
My friends are the greatest, this weekend wouldn't have been the same without them. Here are some April beauties we captured together.
This is how I feel sometimes, especially when writing. It really plagues me. I want my first attempt to be perfect for some reason, even if it's something trivial or something that only my eyes will see. I know I'm anal, but this is beyond that.
Take my sketchbooks or my journals for example, there is a very particular way that I lay them out, the handwriting must be smooth and flawless because I hate strikethroughs, but I hate white out even more. I always think ahead to when all that's left of me are the things I've written and drawn; I want those things to represent me in a good light, the best light. At least I think that may be the reason behind this craziness.
What's the problem with wanting to be perfect or near-perfect? Nothing really, except that in my desire for perfection, I stifle my production. I get stuck in the planning and brainstorming phases coming up with what I think are wonderful ideas, but never putting pen or colored pencil to paper because I don't want it to come out wrong. This is the main reason why it takes me so long to finish essays for class, post to my blog, or add to my portfolio. I want my first attempt to be perfect so there's lots of self-implied pressure that I have to overcome.
I really hate that I'm like this so I have been trying to let loose and let it flow. To get my papers done, I have to fool myself by typing my rough and final drafts in note-taking software instead of directly into Word. The crazy part is, I like what I write the first time around so there's really no need to change anything, but I wouldn't be able to write that if I had started in Word. I'm crazy. I need to get over this quickly before I have nothing to show for my life. I need to stop letting my fear of failure halt my progress. Any suggestions?
Peace
Everybody has visions and dreams of what they want to be and how they want their life to go when they grow up. There is a mere one hundred one days separating me from what's going on now and my being spat out into the real world after I graduate. My grown up time is rapidly approaching; this is what I want to make come true:
I want to live a nomadic lifestyle. I don't want to be tied to one particular place in one particular country; I want to travel and see the world. That is one reason why I would like to buy an RV and live in it full time. For the time being I have labeled it my tour bus. I can drive and park and see the entire continent. Or I could park and fly to another. I realize that this type of lifestyle comes with its own set of pros and cons versus a more traditional route; however, in my opinion the pros outweigh cons, plus traditional is boring in this case.
What are the benefits of this lifestyle?
Freedom - I can pick up and go whenever I want. I won't have to worry about paying rent while traveling extensively overseas. My worldly possessions will travel with me or be stored; so when I move to a new place I won't have to worry about packing and unpacking all the unnecessary junk that I've accumulated. (Yes, that means I will have to downsize a lot, but I am willing to part with most of this stuff anyway, except my technology, Oh please don't take that away, I would absolutely die! Just trying to be dramatic.)
Experience - Living like this will give me some amazing life experiences that otherwise, I might not encounter. It will push my out of my comfort zone. I'm typically an introverted person unless you know me. However, in living this lifestyle that would need to change as I will alone be in different locales all the time so better become excellent at making fast friends. How many people can say they have friends on all seven continents. One day I will. Not to say that I'm going to forget the friends I already have, I actually hope they will be able to join me on some of my adventures. I want to catch the Cherry Blossoms in Japan, surf off the coast of New South Wales, float in a hot air balloon across France, snowboard in the Alps, pedal a bike in Copenhagen, smoke a hookah in Egypt and Morocco, go topless on a Brazilian beach, party at Carnivals across the Caribbean, do cocaine in Columbia (jk), and so much more. I know many of these things sound cliche and touristy but that doesn't stop me from wanting to have the experience. Also, I not only want to do these things but also fully immerse myself in the cultures, picking up the language, participating in local customs, eating local foods (might be hard since I'm such a picky eater). I want to feel like my permanent address is where I am at the moment.
Independence - Traveling extensively around the country and the world will put me out the reach of my familial base. I can call them but they won't be a fifteen minute drive away and able to just pop up when I need them. I will have to rely on myself and my own wits which I like to do anyway. Most people who know me know I don't like depending on other people. So I guess this will be that to the extreme. No problem dude.
Art - Who wouldn't be inspired to produce beauty in all the different locales that I'll eventually go to. For each place I know I'll want to have at least one completed major work, whether it be a painting, drawing, photo essay, animation, short film, etc. The inspiration will be infinite, and if I ever get stuck I can pick up and travel somewhere else. Plus thing of all the artists I'll meet from everywhere. Can we see awesome collaborations in the future? I know I can. I can't wait.
This is the life I'm working towards after graduation. Any stop between now and my dreams is just a stepping stone. So if you meet me in the future and I've been in the same place for the past few years, it doesn't mean that I've given up on my dreams; I'm probably just saving up for my next adventure or saving to start my adventure.
I'm a dreamer. I always have been and I love that about myself. I've always seen my ability to use my imagination to explore new worlds as a kid or think up crazy plans for my future since I'm older as an asset. My dreams are what drive me and can lift me up when I'm having a bad day. I think about something crazy I've always wanted to do or re-read some crazy scheme I've written down. I love that. That's why if I could, I would be a kid forever and keep the fun in life. I think a lot of people forget how to have fun, especially when they get tied down by their jobs and other responsibilities. I never want to forget how to have fun.
I want my life to be an adventure and the adventures I want require some cash flow. To finance my fun I'm looking for a career that would be fun while providing me with some cash instead of just being a means to an end that I hate. I'm having a little trouble figuring out what type of career that could be. I want to be able to work with my hands and create stuff. I want to be able to go outside to enjoy the fresh air and not be stuck inside in 6x6 cubicle staring at a computer screen under harsh florescent lighting for 8+ hours a day. I want to wake up and be happy about going to work and not have to drag myself out of the bed for yet another mundane day at the office. And of course I want time to play, to have fun, to take off on an adventure and see the world, and be able to afford this fun.
Am I asking too much? It's not that I don't want to be a responsible adult and contribute to society. I just want my contribution to be something I enjoy doing and not something that I do only out of necessity because I need the paycheck to eat. Life is too short to work a job for 30 to 40 years and not enjoy it. So I'm trying to avoid that route and in doing so I've realized the path that I set myself up for isn't right for me. However, I haven't really figured out the perfect thing to do yet. For that, I think I need to keep dreaming and hopefully the perfect solution will come to me.
Peace
Master of none,
though offtimes better than master of one.
I'm beginning to think my varying interests that stretch across many disciplines which I once believed were a huge asset are now a hindrance. At this point in my life, I'm moving from one stage to the next and need to choose the path I will take for the remainder of my life. Having a variety of interests to pursue gives me a plethora options but it also can be quite overwhelming at times. I feel like if I don't make the right choice now then I won't be as happy as I could, will always think what if, or will eventually switch and have to start over. Self-inflicted pressure always seems to be my problem although I think I can handle it.
Also, another problem I see if that I feel like my skill set in any one area is not where it should be, particularly if it were my sole focus. If I'm drawing one day, taking photographs the next, writing after that, playing music the one after that, working on design projects the following day, tinkering with computers the next, and so on and so forth, then I feel like I'm spreading myself too thin. It's not an issue of time management, it's an issue of hours spent working in a particular area. If I'm dividing my time between too many areas, then I think I'm robbing myself of the opportunity to become great in any one of them. Which is my goal, to one day be great. Practice makes perfect and developing skills take time. My solution is to pick one area and make that my sole focus for a while and where on projects in other areas a lot less frequently. I will only read books and blogs on this topic so I don't waste time online, only buy tools in line with this discipline, only frequent forums in this discipline, etc. But which one to make my sole pursuit?
I've gone M.I.A. once again, only because I've been writing elsewhere. Recently I've been doing a lot of thinking and writing on my phone when I'm in class or at work or whenever I have a spare minute. Usually it's a list or some random thoughts that I have of some things I want to do or learn or whatever. Here's a list of a few things that I feel fall under the area of self-improvement that I wrote while chilling in my art history class.
1. I want to create a book that contains pictures of all my art works and my thoughts on them to be saved for posterity. So maybe if anybody's ever interested in them, they'll have access to the artist's thoughts long after I'm gone. This should also make me want to produce more work, I always want to do that.
2. I want a sketch diary for me to learn new techniques and see myself progress. You're never too advanced to learn and perfect new or old techniques :-). I also want to be able to critique myself. I would also use this to plan some works and themes to work on. I would see what influences me and develop my own style. Maybe I'll have an inspiration section in there too.
3. I want to start a reading journal where I keep my thoughts on books I've read and any questions I have about them. I really don't like to write in books but sometimes I have quick thoughts to jot down and I have nowhere to put them. Hopefully writing things down will help with my reading comprehension and ability to see connections between works I've read. Also, I'll be able to have a dialogue with myself for those books I revisit, I can see how my interpretation changes with age and experience. I'll probably keep an updated list of authors and books I want to read in there too.
4. I want to start a hair diary to chronicle my hair's journey. I want to start taking better care of my hair, so this will be a place where I keep a record of what does and doesn't work for me. Also, I want to try more hairstyles. Maybe I'll keep pictures in there so I remember how certain styles look.
5. I want a more active lifestyle. I definitely want to pick up a martial art to stick with for the rest of my life. Not so much for the fighting aspect, but for the mental discipline. I'm fascinated with Asian culture, so I feel like this would be a good connection. Also, I want to start biking. I think it would be cool to bike around the city, even though some of my peers may find it geeky. I really want a recumbent bike. I want to be more fit.
This is it for now, but I'm sure more will be added. Hopefully, I'll get back to posting more often too. I'm also thinking of starting a new blog that will be on one specific topic instead of completely random like this one.
What am I talking about. I would say the title speaks for itself. I'm tired hearing the words "...I promise..." and nothing comes to fruition. It's bringing me to a point where if a statement is preceded by, followed by, or includes the words "I promise," I don't believe it. I don't even want to hear it. That's so sad. Promises are sacred. Especially pinky promises. When you pinky promise someone, at that very moment, you're making a lifetime commitment to honor that promise. All you have is your word, when people lose faith in that... You have nothing. No wonder why I don't trust people. They break pinky promises.
So I'm going home tomorrow... well, today I guess. For some reason I don't really want to go home. I feel like it might be a little hectic at home. Plus I'll be working so I can buy some Christmas gifts. I want to just chill. Matter of fact, I need to just chill. These last few days have been pleasant. It's been me and the Favorite hanging out, and occasionally the Strange One too. The Funny One left a week ago. When I go home, I'll be without my children for almost a month. How sad. We're going to have to do conference calls and maybe schedule a visit. I guess I should be a little bit more excited to be going home seeing as I have peeps to see there also. But I know I will be walking back into a different world of responsibility when I just escaped one a few days ago. I don't even have a full week to relax. But... ah well. That's life. Everything can't be a hundred percent great.
Tuo Ecaep...
