Lackadaisical

You Know... early in the school year, I kept saying I felt like a low-life. It was a bad feeling, and I couldn't deal with. My thought process was all off towards the middle of first semester. I no longer wanted to be in school. I felt like I was wasting my time on someone else's dollar. Thinking about it like that just made me feel worse. One, I don't like wasting my time. Two, I don't like messing with other people's money. I think these feelings followed from my senior year in high school, a severe case of senioritis. I just stopped caring, work and class didn't concern me. I kept telling myself to stop being like that because I didn't want those feelings to follow me to college. And that's exactly what happened.

But its more than that. Its not just that I didn't care because I did. I wasn't doing what I needed to do, and that made me feel like I had peaked in high school. I had a lot to live up to. I had to ultimately reach myself, the standards I set. I did pretty well for myself in high school, I had decent grades without having to try very hard, I was pretty active, and I graduated as salutatorian.

I guess it was just an adjustment going to college. I'd never learned how to study and in high school, I primarily relied upon my excellent memory. I guess thats a handicap. For midterm reports, my teachers should have all had the comment DNWP (Does Not Work to Potential). Why? Because I wasn't, and I knew I wasn't, hence the lackadaisical feelings. But now I begin to wonder, do I ever work to my potential?

We'll save that for a later post. Out Peace. I'm signing off. 11:34 CST

P.S. I'm back into the blog of things.