Cross Your Fingers

I think I fixed my puter.... :D

EvoL?

You know most people want what they can't or don't have. ...And love is no different. Everybody feels the need to be desired, even those who you wouldn't normally think want it. They do. Why? Because it's human nature.

More people are hopeless romantics than you might think. A lot of them don't publicly admit it. Well...I have to admit, I am one of those people. Wait...you may say, the girl who thinks she has no emoition but anger? Yeah, the same girl. I never thought the two were related. I just had ideas of what could or should be. I already admitted to being a walking contradiction.

People want that fairy tale romance, the ones that they see in movies or read about in books. Sigh...I'm one those who thought that I could have something Corey and Topanga. They touched my heart with that story. I guess that's the whole point of a story, to rope you in and make you wish you had that. But is it really obtainable for most people. Sure, there are some real life fairy tale romances out there, but how do you make it happen.

It's like Carrie Bradshaw said, "I want to find that head over heels love." You know that sweep me off my feet, take my breath away kind of love. Sigh...

I think a lot of people find it, but the trouble is holding on to it. People sabotage their own relationships without even thinking about it. Some people nitpick, always looking for something to go wrong and then stuff starts to go wrong. Not a pretty site. Some people don't think they deserve it, and they're insecure in the relationship. People sabotage their own relationships in many ways. (I am by no means innocent in this area. Guilty :( ...) Outside influences can tear you down. But lets not go through all that.

So... how do you hold on to that I can't breathe without you love? IDK. But I hope I'm lucky blessed enough to find that one person and hold on to them. <3

Wendi is out looking for love.

Check-Up

First of all...Happy Father's Day

Second of all...Happy Belated Birthday to myself.

Third of all...My computer is still so.... you know that's the reason for the lack of Wendi J.

Now let's get down to business. The purpose of this post (as the title suggest) is to be a mid-year check-up. No not on my computer's health. Tear. :( But on my goals that I made at the beginning of the year. I'm a year older (in the middle of the year. te he he), but time is running out and I need to check on my progress.

The "hold an intelligent conversation in French"... hmm... I can understand someone talking to me but I'm a little stunted when I respond. I guess I'm searching for the right words in my mind. Still need to improve on that. C

"Be on my way to becoming a better person"... steadily progressing, I love myself (not in a Band-Aid kind of way) but me, myself, and I could all be homies. A++ on that progress. (Not that I didn't not like myself before)

"Get my life in order"... LOL, like thats ever gonna happen. Changed my major and have been considering some career options. I believe I'm making progess. I keep surprising myself. B-.

"Get in shape"... I'm a bum. F. I've been to the gym like twice, but I jump rope a lot...errr... sometimes.

"No Meat!" ....Making it... kinda... I decided to eat fish, one day I won't even be eating that, but it'll be a gradual process. B+

"Improve photography and artistic capabilities"... Hmmm... I have been working on my photography and I'm getting back to my art. I decided to set up a website and sell some of it. But I'll talk about that later days. B

"Do me"... Yeah, I've been doing that to the fullest. I think I surprised some people and pissed others off. Oh well, long as I'm being true to myself. A++ 100%

Mid-terms grades not so hot. (YUCK!) Hmmm... I'll improve. Got to.

Peace.

I'm Back!

Ok. So..I had a few technical difficulties. My computer got really, really sick and had to go the ICU (Intensive Care Unit for those of you who don't know hospital lingo), the internet on the house computer wasn't working, and blogging while you work is frowned upon. The fever's almost gone, there's still a cough here and there, but we're operational again. I'll keep you posted (<- LOL Nice pun) with my posts. :D

Peace Out.

Sign Off.

End Transmital.

CLEAR!!!!

Wasting Away

DNWP-Does Not Work to Potential. I've never gotten that comment, but I'm beginning to think I should have. I came into this world a very blessed person. I've frequently been told that I have many talents. I am not writing this in any way to brag on myself, but I consider myself intelligent, naturally athletic (I played basketball, baseball, volleyball, ran track, and swam), and artistic, basically just innately gifted. But what exactly am I doing with these gifts?

I've never really struggled in school. Most subjects come easy to me. I can read about a concept and understand it, or I can listen to a teacher lecture and understand it. Usually, I can be introduced to information once and recall it later for a test without having to "study hard," I just gets filed away. I've said this to many people, including teachers and a reporter, "I'm not as smart as most people think I am, I just have a good memory." Most people don't believe me, I don't know what I believe. I don't want to just rely on my memory, I want to optimize my intelligence. I guess I can start with cracking open a book and actually studying.

Sports were the same way, they came easy to me. I enjoy basketball, track, and swimming the most. I played volleyball and softball cause my dad suggested it, not because I really wanted to. I've played on a lot of basketball teams, I stopped playing organized ball in 8th grade. I played softball for one year and stopped, I played club volleyball for one year and stopped, and I ran track for one year and stopped. I seriously regret not running track anymore, the other two not so much. I stopped training for swimming after my accident really. I still leisurely play basketball, run, and swim though. But the point I'm trying to make is, when I think about that, I feel like a quitter. Granted I finished the seasons out before I stopped, but I still stopped. My excuse was teams aren't my thing. I'm not really sure I believe that. I'm not saying I was the best player on the teams and they were holding back my potential. I wasn't bad either. I was good, could've been great at somethings. What a waste.

Art is the same way, it came naturally. And now my talent is at a standstill. Why? Because I never really tried to develop it, because it didn't seem like I had to. I tell people all the time, "I'm not as good an artist as you think I am." I just have an eye. I have good hand/eye coordination and can replicate details pretty nicely. I probably shouldn't talk bad about myself, so I'll think I'll stop saying that. Anyway, that's going to change I'm working to improve my craft everyday now. You know the saying, "If you don't use it, you'll lose it." Well, I don't want to lose it. Art is my heart and I wanna practice it for the rest of my life. God has blessed me with these abilities, I want to find a way to do something with all of them and finally WFP- Work to my FULL POTENTIAL!

Signing off now...this has been quite the motivator today. 12:48 CST

P.S. The thing about teams not being my thing, complete fabrication. I enjoyed being on the Scholar's Bowl and Hi-Q teams. Ahh well....

Lackadaisical

You Know... early in the school year, I kept saying I felt like a low-life. It was a bad feeling, and I couldn't deal with. My thought process was all off towards the middle of first semester. I no longer wanted to be in school. I felt like I was wasting my time on someone else's dollar. Thinking about it like that just made me feel worse. One, I don't like wasting my time. Two, I don't like messing with other people's money. I think these feelings followed from my senior year in high school, a severe case of senioritis. I just stopped caring, work and class didn't concern me. I kept telling myself to stop being like that because I didn't want those feelings to follow me to college. And that's exactly what happened.

But its more than that. Its not just that I didn't care because I did. I wasn't doing what I needed to do, and that made me feel like I had peaked in high school. I had a lot to live up to. I had to ultimately reach myself, the standards I set. I did pretty well for myself in high school, I had decent grades without having to try very hard, I was pretty active, and I graduated as salutatorian.

I guess it was just an adjustment going to college. I'd never learned how to study and in high school, I primarily relied upon my excellent memory. I guess thats a handicap. For midterm reports, my teachers should have all had the comment DNWP (Does Not Work to Potential). Why? Because I wasn't, and I knew I wasn't, hence the lackadaisical feelings. But now I begin to wonder, do I ever work to my potential?

We'll save that for a later post. Out Peace. I'm signing off. 11:34 CST

P.S. I'm back into the blog of things.

Melancholy

I'm frustrated.... Once again... mi life is out of focus. ...sigh...