Agent 007

O my! Yet another year has passed and I'm still alive. Thank you Jesus! Lately all I have been hearing is excitement for the new year. Usually, I express no such excitement days, even weeks ahead of that fateful countdown. I'm just chillin and like its just another day. But as the minutes draw near I see it's a year has passed, it's a milestone, a marking point in my life. Yeah I think about resolutions days before but I don't really think about the fact that a full year has come and gone with another right behind it until now. One hour before the ball drops. For this past year '06, I think about what...my graduation, my eighteenth birthday, starting college, getting a real job (that might lead to a career), etc. What have I done? Have I fulfilled my resolutions? How would I know, I didn't put them anywhere I could find them again. I feel like I've changed/grown over the past year. Mostly in the past few months. But I still have a long way to go. I guess I'm excited for the new year, a fresh start, new opportunities...new everything I guess, but some stuff still carries over. Man.... It's almost 2007. Well I guess that's cool.

So, to avoid wat happens every other year, I'll put my resolutions here. More permanent than writing them on a sheet of paper and filing it away in my room. So...here goes.
1. Wait...let's change that from resolutions to goals, because I don't think they're one in the same. So...
1. Be able to hold an intelligent conversation in French like I can in English.
2. Be on my way to becoming a better person. By that abstract thought, I mean, be someone who if I met on the street I would befriend, wouldn't be ashamed or anything like that.
3. Umm...get my life in order. Figure out what I want to do with, or be closer than I am now to knowing. Get my spiritual health in order.
4. Get in shape.
5. No meat!
6. Get better with my photography and improve all my artistic capabilities.
7. Do well in school...no scratch that, I don't think it belongs.
7. Do me...whatever that means. Be me I guess, at all times, no use in being fake. Quit with all the nonsensicalness!

Ok this list really didn't turn out like I planned but I guess it's a start. Ah well. Welcome 2007. Peace out 2006, I guess it's you that's signing off now. lol. I know that was corny but wateve.

Oh yeah...Wendi's so cool!

Drawing to a Close

Yeah, it's been awhile but give me a break homie. OK!

So, today's my last day at work...Tear. No not really, I'm kinda tired. Gettin up all hours of the morning time ain't koo when you don't sleep well. But ah well, that's over. Christmas has come and gone...It was a good one. Rather enjoyable if I may say so myself. I like to see unsuspecting smiles of surprise when I give gifts. And that's what I got, makes me feel all warm and tingly inside. lol. But I got some nice gifts. I bought myself a Polo bag, some Top Sider's, and some Diesel boots. I know but they were all on sale so no SA(Shopaholics Anonymous) meeting for me this week. :D

But no I got a nice lens for my camera, 75-300mm, really cool. I feel just like a spy or private eye when I use it. I got a coupla packs of tapes to support my taping of all the random randomness that occurs in my life and turning it into my version of the "Real World," also I got a tripod which I can use with all three of my cameras, it's much more sturdy than the little I already have. It's really gooing to help in my new photography venture which I will talk about when it's developed a little more. Oh yeah, I got a fresh new pair of...dun dun duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuunnnnnnnnn...Wallabees. All time favorite shoe. Gotta love Clarks. That's about it. :D

Ok, in the process of changing the subject. So, last night I didn't sleep, so I had a lot of time to think. Yeah, I'm about to go back to school in like four five days. How exciting! Right? Yeah...Wateve. Anyway I just hope I don't start this semester off feeling like a lowlife. But back to the thinking stuff, so I'ma just try and do me, school is second priority right now. I have to find me and step my game up in so many ways, it ain't even funny. I'm ready for the challenge. If school gets in the way, I'll just drop out, I can always drop right back in. Te he he. Wateve. It's not that big a deal. Talk about all that crap later.

I feel kinda long winded...typed. I could go on forever. Not really, but I'll try. Te he he. I'm slowly putting my life into focus. Real slow, slower than a snail's pace, but atleast I'm makin progress. That's what really counts...Right? I like thinking. It makes things so much clearer (sometimes unclearer) I like to analyze my repetitve behaviors and such. Most people are afraid to be honest with themselves, but if I won't do it, who will? Nobody. You gotta keep yourself in check, in perspective, at least I do, or else I'll just be wild and carefree and not in a cute way, in an unhealthy way most likely. That was a pretty long sentence. I knew I shouldn't have skipped English that day.

But I digress. I'ma come back later with my list of resolutions for the new year so it'll be permanent, not a flimsy sheet of paper. Maybe I'll even upload a video of it. (One of my confessionals for the "Real 'Wendi' World" at HU) Long title, I should work on that. Jeese Louise! I should neve miss this many consecutive days again. My mind can't catch up with my over active fingers. But right now I'm talking about nonsensicalness. So I'll pack up my keys and be out. Ummm...12:04. Yeah I'm still at work, I must be bored to do all this random typing. Anyway...Peace out. Signing off.

Oh yeah part of doing me is going back to my Veggie status. Let's see how long I can go this time. Hopefully a lifetime! :D 12:13

Kris Kringle

Christmas is here! Well...right around the corner. It's only 2 days away. I'm so excited. Christmas is my favorite time of year. No matter how bad I'm feeling, the thought of Christmas approaching can always cheer me up. I love to give gifts, to see the smile of the unexpected to spread across the receiver's face. Sadly this year, no one seems to have caught that Christmas bug. I'm tryin my hardest to brighten people's day, but it's so hard. Everybody is going through a lot, me included, but I always find a reason to smile around this time. Oh well gotta sign off...got one more gift to wrap. Ecaep tou!

Q.T. With Momsy

Me and momsy are about to watch The Devil Wears Prada. I'm so excited, I've been waiting to see it for so long. And then I read the book and got even more excited. So we're just chillin in her sanctuary, spendin some much needed time together, tryin to escape the world. I really like how the room's coming along. She did a really good job with it. It has a nice feeling, it's now my favorite room in the house. Yeah sometimes you just need an escape, especially away from certain family members. You can only take so much. But ah well, the movie's starting soon I guess I should go get the hot chocolate. Peace out. Sign off.

What About Your Friends

So you graduate. And for the whole summer before college you make plans, but half of them don't come through because everybody's working or hanging with their significant other. So August sometimes September comes and you haven't seen as much of your homies as you like but you gotta go. So you leave and get to school. You don't talk to your home friends that much cause you're on different schedules and building separate lives. You make new friends and you have your old friends.

So home friends versus school friends. Does this become a war over your quality time spent? Are you leaving old friends in the past once you develop new relationships? No, I don't think so. All my life, I was never really big on the friend thing. I kinda got trust issues. Long story. So I always had acquaintances, close acquaintances, and those who I knew had my back, but no "friends." Fakeness is unforgivable and I don't like fake people so to avoid finding out u have a fake friend, u just don't call anyone ur friend. That was my solution.

Because of this philosophy, I never let anybody get too close. No one wants to be let down, disappointed. It hurts the most when it comes from somebody you care about. So I had a "friendless" existence. I mean I had my homies and I was there for them when they called. But I never called on them, I carried my own burdens for fear that they would drop them.

These past couple of months away at school, I've realized you do need friends. You need somebody in your corner at all times. And so I came to the conclusion that those crazy people I left behind are my true friends. That's my homies. I got them and they got me. But could I have friends like that at school too. I mean is that allowed. How can you have as meaningful relationships with people that you've been knowing for some months as the ones that you've developed over years. Is it possible? Yeah. Sometimes people just click. I got my homies at home and my homies at school. They all got my back, and I got theirs. I hope they can all get together and we become one big happy family.

I love my girls. And I'm happy to be blessed with this diverse group I've stumbled upon. I feel uberlucky. On that note I'll cheerily sign off...16:07

Workin' Woman

So yeah, I'm back at work. But I don't think they were ready for me. I had no set cubicle, no computer, no phone... Right now I'm sittin in the cubicle with the coffee pot, supplies, references, and other work. So basically, the break/storage one. It's koo. I mean I know what to expect now workin for the g-ment. I'm excited to be back (stackin that paper) but I'm so exhausted. I got home Saturday night, and where am I bright and early Moday morning? At work. Can I get a break! I mean I told them when I was comin, I just didn't realize I would be so tired. Yeah I been runnin on empty since finals week, but thats a whole notha story. I gotta time stamp this myself since I have no computer and my laptop can access the security restricted wireless. So...9:53am CST. Well peace out, I'm signing off.

In Transit

So I had a flight scheduled for 12:59 ET. Yeah I was supposed to wake up at like 9:30 this morning, take out my rollers, get dressed, turn my test in, etc. and leave my room before 11:30. Well...obviously that didn't work out or else I wouldn't be writing about it. Mind you I didn't go to sleep until 8:30. Nonetheless, I got up at 9:30 when my alarm rang, but I made the constantly ill-fated move of laying my head back down (I have no snooze button, wind-up alarm clock) So I died for an hour and a half and woke up at 11. Big problem. So much to do, so little time. Long story short, I left the room at around 11:50 and arrived at the airport at 12:45. No chance of making that flight. So I sit here waiting on the next one (25 dollars for same day confirmation...sheesh!) But I'm about to board in a coupla minutes so until later. Ecaep tuo! This is me signing off...O but I'll be back! With a vengeance! LOL. (This was actually written at 13:24, but no wireless service so will be posted at later time)

Procrastination

That evil monster Procrastination has bitten me once again. I finally went to the store to get the stuff for my final yesterday. However, I still haven't started on it and I probably won't get much done on tomorrow. So it's due on Friday at 8 am. That gives me about 4 days working time to the 9 drawings and model, not to mention, the 12 - 15 page paper that I haven't started on either. Yeah this sucks but I brought it on myself as usual. But it's koo, I'll just apply my philosophy, don't worry about it and it won't cause any stress. If it gets done, it gets done; if it doesn't, it doesn't. I know that's kinda crazy with it being a final and ya know determines my passing or not, but whatever that really doesn't matter I just don't want any stress, so I have to take on that attitude. Maybe I should get started...maybe tomor...maybe Monday, definitely Monday. Well out peace, I'm signing off...

Reevaluate...

I'm sitting here about to watch RENT for the umpteenth thousandth time just thinking...I really need to reevaluate my lifestyle. My life is so out of focus right now. It's ridiculous. Lately, I've been feeling myself veering away from the old me. I know change is inevitable, but these changes aren't the changes I want to see. In the beginning of the school year I was feeling a bit like a lowlife. Not being able to focus, not caring, and just saying f*** everything and everybody. My feelings from the end of senior year carried over to this year. Exactly what I didn't want to happen, but I called it and it did happen. I didn't want to start off college with a I don't care attitude. But I did, and now I am attempting to fix it. There were a few points this semester when I felt like I was getting my life on track, but overall, it's not where I want it to be. Thus the need for the reevaluation. But ah well, it will get there eventually. I want to feel like me again and get out of this rut. I think I know what I need to do. The solution is probably floating around somewhere in my subconscious, just chillin and waiting for me to discover it. I will soon enough and really get my lifestyle in order. Well peace out, I'm signing off.

Passionless...

I remember the days when I could do nothing but sit at my drafting table and just draw for hours and hours. What happened to those days? Now, I'm lucky to want to do a quick sketch. I miss those days when as soon as I opened my eyes I had a pencil in my hand. When did art become such a labor, a chore to me? Art used to be fun. It made me happy. I need that back. Why am I so uninspired? Arrrghh! I just want to sit, chill, and let it flow. The most recent thing I've drawn, besides random sketches for class, was a tattoo for a friend of mine. I enjoyed that, I want to get back to that. Now it seems the only way I can sit down and draw is if its an assignment or a commission. Even then, I feel uninspired half the time. It seems as though I can do nothing original, from the heart anymore. I just want to get back to my craft, my passion. Get back to expressing myself the only way I know how.

International Flava

So lately, I've been uncertain/unsatisfied with my decision to pursue a degree in architecture. Like I mentioned earlier, it's something that I enjoy doing but I never gave myself a chance to enjoy something else. I can see myself designing buildings, both residential and commercial, in the future. As I sat down to study for and take my exam today, I listened in on a conversation a 23 year old architecture male freshman was having with a 17 year old architecture female freshman about his age and delayed entry. He said he saved up and traveled after his senior year in high school, something I've been wanting to do. I really want to go to France and am planning a trip next summer my mother and I. To be a successful architecture student, I believe you have to be a student of the world. What better way to do that than travel and be an international student. I speak the language, sorta. I want to travel soon; however, there's always that nagging voice in my head saying where's the money, you'll fall behind in school, you gotta get shots {YIKES!!}, etc. Ummm...I don't know how I would finance the trip, but I think if I took a year off from school now (especially since I missed that in between senior and freshman year spot) I'll be more apt to accept my fate as a student of architecture and ready and willing to pursue it. I think it'll help a lot with the feelings I've been throwing around lately about getting too deep and wasting time in this major. I'll probably stick with it. Ah well major decisions. Peace out, I'm signing off.

S.S.D.D.

So today is just going from bad to worst. First, I was supposed to wake up at 7:00. But no, what time did I wake up? 9 o damn clock! So I missed my 8 o'clock English class. This was my fourth absence in there. So, what happens now? My grade gets automatically dropped a freakin letter. I missed French yesterday. For some reason I just have not been wakin up correctly. Yeah, Same Shit Different Day. But that's not it. I got my assignment for my final review in Design Comm. today. Yeah I made it to that class 30 minutes late, luckily its a 2 hour course. So yeah, got the assignment, its a doozy. 8 drawings and a model due in 11 days. O yeah he gave us this bullshit quiz on some student presentations from the beginning of the semester that I slept through. I mean wat the hell else was I supposed to do, listen? I don't think so. After that frightening disappointment, I move on to my next class and get my final assignment in there. Ummm...a 12 to 15 page paper on a museum exhibit done in a team of 2-3. This is ridiculous, I don't want nobody else having any kind of effect on my final grade. AAAAAAAArrrrrrggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yeah, let me chill and sign off before I shoot somebody. Peace out. ;(