Wasting Away

DNWP-Does Not Work to Potential. I've never gotten that comment, but I'm beginning to think I should have. I came into this world a very blessed person. I've frequently been told that I have many talents. I am not writing this in any way to brag on myself, but I consider myself intelligent, naturally athletic (I played basketball, baseball, volleyball, ran track, and swam), and artistic, basically just innately gifted. But what exactly am I doing with these gifts?

I've never really struggled in school. Most subjects come easy to me. I can read about a concept and understand it, or I can listen to a teacher lecture and understand it. Usually, I can be introduced to information once and recall it later for a test without having to "study hard," I just gets filed away. I've said this to many people, including teachers and a reporter, "I'm not as smart as most people think I am, I just have a good memory." Most people don't believe me, I don't know what I believe. I don't want to just rely on my memory, I want to optimize my intelligence. I guess I can start with cracking open a book and actually studying.

Sports were the same way, they came easy to me. I enjoy basketball, track, and swimming the most. I played volleyball and softball cause my dad suggested it, not because I really wanted to. I've played on a lot of basketball teams, I stopped playing organized ball in 8th grade. I played softball for one year and stopped, I played club volleyball for one year and stopped, and I ran track for one year and stopped. I seriously regret not running track anymore, the other two not so much. I stopped training for swimming after my accident really. I still leisurely play basketball, run, and swim though. But the point I'm trying to make is, when I think about that, I feel like a quitter. Granted I finished the seasons out before I stopped, but I still stopped. My excuse was teams aren't my thing. I'm not really sure I believe that. I'm not saying I was the best player on the teams and they were holding back my potential. I wasn't bad either. I was good, could've been great at somethings. What a waste.

Art is the same way, it came naturally. And now my talent is at a standstill. Why? Because I never really tried to develop it, because it didn't seem like I had to. I tell people all the time, "I'm not as good an artist as you think I am." I just have an eye. I have good hand/eye coordination and can replicate details pretty nicely. I probably shouldn't talk bad about myself, so I'll think I'll stop saying that. Anyway, that's going to change I'm working to improve my craft everyday now. You know the saying, "If you don't use it, you'll lose it." Well, I don't want to lose it. Art is my heart and I wanna practice it for the rest of my life. God has blessed me with these abilities, I want to find a way to do something with all of them and finally WFP- Work to my FULL POTENTIAL!

Signing off now...this has been quite the motivator today. 12:48 CST

P.S. The thing about teams not being my thing, complete fabrication. I enjoyed being on the Scholar's Bowl and Hi-Q teams. Ahh well....

Lackadaisical

You Know... early in the school year, I kept saying I felt like a low-life. It was a bad feeling, and I couldn't deal with. My thought process was all off towards the middle of first semester. I no longer wanted to be in school. I felt like I was wasting my time on someone else's dollar. Thinking about it like that just made me feel worse. One, I don't like wasting my time. Two, I don't like messing with other people's money. I think these feelings followed from my senior year in high school, a severe case of senioritis. I just stopped caring, work and class didn't concern me. I kept telling myself to stop being like that because I didn't want those feelings to follow me to college. And that's exactly what happened.

But its more than that. Its not just that I didn't care because I did. I wasn't doing what I needed to do, and that made me feel like I had peaked in high school. I had a lot to live up to. I had to ultimately reach myself, the standards I set. I did pretty well for myself in high school, I had decent grades without having to try very hard, I was pretty active, and I graduated as salutatorian.

I guess it was just an adjustment going to college. I'd never learned how to study and in high school, I primarily relied upon my excellent memory. I guess thats a handicap. For midterm reports, my teachers should have all had the comment DNWP (Does Not Work to Potential). Why? Because I wasn't, and I knew I wasn't, hence the lackadaisical feelings. But now I begin to wonder, do I ever work to my potential?

We'll save that for a later post. Out Peace. I'm signing off. 11:34 CST

P.S. I'm back into the blog of things.

Melancholy

I'm frustrated.... Once again... mi life is out of focus. ...sigh...

School's Out, Ring the Bell, Drop Your Books and Run Like....

So... I've been home since Tuesday. Enjoying myself. School is over. I made it through my first year as a college student. Well, congratulations Wendi J. This is one of those milestones people talk about. Will I be going back? I believe so, ask me again at the end of the summer. How did I do? Pretty good, but I'll let you know when I get my grades, then I can really reflect. Until then, PEACE!

It's May Already...

I'm slippin on my pimpin. Twice in April, we need to work on this.

P.S. I'll be home in 6 days! Yaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy!!!!!!!

Peace