Next Chapter

At the beginning of this month, I graduated from college, culminating my 17 year journey of education. Over the course of two days, I walked across a stage, shook hands with the dean, marched into a stadium, sat in the sweltering heat, and shortly thereafter received my degree, a BA in Philosophy.

In the weeks leading up to graduation, there was a little excitement but mostly indifference. I don't think I really had the time or energy to be excited. I finally submitted my thesis on April 6th and defended it two days later. It was about 23 pages long and it took everything I had to complete it. It's still not fully complete because I need to do a few revisions but nothing major that would hold up my grade. I passed the oral defense which was actually my senior comprehensive exam and the paper itself with an A. What a relief right, not really, no time to enjoy it because all my grades were due by April 22nd, so I had about 2 weeks to complete 7 papers and 3 exams. Although sometimes it really felt overwhelming, apparently, it wasn't too too much to handle because I finished the semester with a 4.0 and graduated college with a 3.79 cumulative. So now I have alumni status.

In the past three weeks since I left school, there's still indifference and not much excitement. My plan is to take a year off before I head to grad school for architecture. Back to architecture, how many people saw that coming. Anyway, I've been chilling in Philly trying to get used to the idea of not having to go back to school after this summer is over. Although that doesn't mean I won't be working and keeping up with my studies. I have time now to return to things I love that I couldn't do in between my reading and writing major. I've been reunited with my art supplies. I'm spending this summer and year off working on my portfolio and trying to knock the rust off my old tools. This should bring a lot of peace to my soul compared to the stress of all that writing. I'm looking forward to it.

Higher Education? ...Really...

School is getting in the way of my life and education.

Poll Closed

Thanks to those of you who voted. I appreciate it, although I didn't get the response I was hoping. To those of you who commented and said don't strangers determine your thesis, write about what you want, that wasn't the point of this exercise. I'm not crazy enough to let people decide my future for me. I just wanted to hear peoples opinions on the different ideas or the reasoning behind why they chose a particular idea. I got none of that. But oh well. Thanks for your effort.

Thesis:Complete::Wendi:Alumna

This past year, I have been having a small problem that may become a huge one soon if I don't make a decision soon. So what have I been so indecisive about that may make my world crumble if I don't bite the bullet soon? Only my thesis topic. The only guideline is that it must be a substantial paper of approximately twenty pages that demonstrates engagement with the leading edge of research on its topic. Oh, and I guess something philosophical since that is my major. I have a few ideas running around in my head, so you guys let me know which one you think is best. Ok here goes. Should I write on:

A. Constructing a Black Art World - this would be an attempt to construct a black art world in light of George Dickie's institutional theory of art and W.E.B. DuBois and Alain Locke's work in the arts in the early 20th century.

B. Can There Be a Black Aesthetic? - this would be an attempt to answer the question of is there a such thing as a black aesthetic, and if so, what constitutes it.

C. Authentic Individuality in Society's Sea of Sameness - this would be an existential look at what it means to be a self in society, partly introspective also.

D. Something art, architecture, or design related to possibly use as a writing sample for when I apply to grad school in one of those programs.

So that's the the choices right now. I'm not going to let you know which one I'm leaning towards because that may skew your opinion. BTW...The first two are papers previously written and that just need to be expanded upon and go in to greater detail with defense and refutation. Give me your opinion in the comments. Please and Thank You.

Out Peace

i'm back at school

whoopeee :-|

The Beginning of the End

I can't believe my senior year is so rapidly approaching. It seems like three years of college have gone by in the blink of an eye. I mean my brother graduated at the beginning of this month (May 8, 2009) and it's my turn exactly one year later (May 8, 2010). When I was a senior in high school this was an exciting time. I was finally going to get out on my own. But now it's downright scary. After high school I knew my step was college. But this time there's no definite answer and that's what scares me, sometimes to the point of a panic attack just thinking about graduating. I'm still excited about the idea of earning my degree, but then what? Should I go to grad school or should I go to work or should I do both and take a year off then go to grad school? But where will I find a job or what will I study are the second round of questions that come up. I find that I'm battling free spiritedness and practicality in trying to make my decision. I would love to just live at the beach, enjoy the waves, and make music and art. Who wouldn't. So I try to be practical, but I'm having trouble figuring out a career path that would make me happy and my first choice life a possible reality. I know my first job out of college doesn't have to be the one that I'll stick with forever, but I don't want to be miserable at a job and none of the options I come up with seem like they would make me happy. Which is why if I could stay at this stage in my life for a little while longer until I could figure some things out, that would be cool. But grad school isn't the answer because if I choose the wrong field that won't make me this any better. Plus, I think I want a break from school before I get burned out. So I have this summer to figure it out, then back to school, then the dreaded graduation. Oh well. Peace out.

Yaaaayyyyyy!!!!!!!!

I get to see mi kids tomorrow. Yaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!! :D

But then classes start the next day and I have to work. :(

But I get to see mi kids tomorrow. Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!

Almost Over

Finals are kicking my bootay right now. Not really... I'm just procrastinating.

Not Quite There Yet

Lately, I've been feeling like I just can't get anything done. I need to finish something. I want to be able to finish something. Just one thing. It's so frustrating. I just want to rip my hair out, but what would that accomplish. I guess I would be getting something done lol. But not really. I don't know what it is that's holding me from crossing the finish line. I finish most of my school work. Well... the important stuff anyway. So, that's not the problem. It's stuff that I want to do that doesn't get done. I only finish my school work because I have to. I guess I'm sort of obligated to doing that because my current occupation is student. The stuff I want to do doesn't get finished not because I don't care about it, but because there's some force that activates when I near the point of completion that says procrastinate or move on or come back later or something like that. And guess what... I never get done. Like right now, my mind is telling me to come back to this post and say something else later because I'm feeling a writer's block coming on. Oh well, I'll post now and then edit if I have something else to say. Otherwise, it would never get done like the fifty other ones I got sitting around in draft form. Eacepay!

Blockage

Ummmm yeah..... I think I have productivity block or something. I can't study for more than like thirty minutes to an hour, even with moving to a new subject. So I'll go to something else like drawing, writing, or playing my guitar, and guess what.... that doesn't work either. Not to mention the fact that I get this feeling of guilt in the pit of my stomach for doing something I wanna do but not having my work done. Talk about mind games. So usually, I spend my time wasting it: watching the idiot box or clowning around with folks or just lounging. Yeah, lot's of work and creativity happening there.

Oh no! I'm getting symptoms for guilt flu. Better sign off before it overcomes me and I become bed ridden. Out peace.

Crazy

Yeah so I think I'm crazy. Well I know I am but I think I'm making it worse with this school thing. I'm trying to figure it out, but I'm tired of talking about it, but I really haven't talked it out fully with anybody, except in my own head, hence the crazy thing. I have a tendency to get inside my head and stay there for awhile. But even so I haven't fully thought it out yet. I don't want to make any rash decisions. I just need to block out some time and think and talk. But to whom? Oh woe is me.

Wasting Away

DNWP-Does Not Work to Potential. I've never gotten that comment, but I'm beginning to think I should have. I came into this world a very blessed person. I've frequently been told that I have many talents. I am not writing this in any way to brag on myself, but I consider myself intelligent, naturally athletic (I played basketball, baseball, volleyball, ran track, and swam), and artistic, basically just innately gifted. But what exactly am I doing with these gifts?

I've never really struggled in school. Most subjects come easy to me. I can read about a concept and understand it, or I can listen to a teacher lecture and understand it. Usually, I can be introduced to information once and recall it later for a test without having to "study hard," I just gets filed away. I've said this to many people, including teachers and a reporter, "I'm not as smart as most people think I am, I just have a good memory." Most people don't believe me, I don't know what I believe. I don't want to just rely on my memory, I want to optimize my intelligence. I guess I can start with cracking open a book and actually studying.

Sports were the same way, they came easy to me. I enjoy basketball, track, and swimming the most. I played volleyball and softball cause my dad suggested it, not because I really wanted to. I've played on a lot of basketball teams, I stopped playing organized ball in 8th grade. I played softball for one year and stopped, I played club volleyball for one year and stopped, and I ran track for one year and stopped. I seriously regret not running track anymore, the other two not so much. I stopped training for swimming after my accident really. I still leisurely play basketball, run, and swim though. But the point I'm trying to make is, when I think about that, I feel like a quitter. Granted I finished the seasons out before I stopped, but I still stopped. My excuse was teams aren't my thing. I'm not really sure I believe that. I'm not saying I was the best player on the teams and they were holding back my potential. I wasn't bad either. I was good, could've been great at somethings. What a waste.

Art is the same way, it came naturally. And now my talent is at a standstill. Why? Because I never really tried to develop it, because it didn't seem like I had to. I tell people all the time, "I'm not as good an artist as you think I am." I just have an eye. I have good hand/eye coordination and can replicate details pretty nicely. I probably shouldn't talk bad about myself, so I'll think I'll stop saying that. Anyway, that's going to change I'm working to improve my craft everyday now. You know the saying, "If you don't use it, you'll lose it." Well, I don't want to lose it. Art is my heart and I wanna practice it for the rest of my life. God has blessed me with these abilities, I want to find a way to do something with all of them and finally WFP- Work to my FULL POTENTIAL!

Signing off now...this has been quite the motivator today. 12:48 CST

P.S. The thing about teams not being my thing, complete fabrication. I enjoyed being on the Scholar's Bowl and Hi-Q teams. Ahh well....

Lackadaisical

You Know... early in the school year, I kept saying I felt like a low-life. It was a bad feeling, and I couldn't deal with. My thought process was all off towards the middle of first semester. I no longer wanted to be in school. I felt like I was wasting my time on someone else's dollar. Thinking about it like that just made me feel worse. One, I don't like wasting my time. Two, I don't like messing with other people's money. I think these feelings followed from my senior year in high school, a severe case of senioritis. I just stopped caring, work and class didn't concern me. I kept telling myself to stop being like that because I didn't want those feelings to follow me to college. And that's exactly what happened.

But its more than that. Its not just that I didn't care because I did. I wasn't doing what I needed to do, and that made me feel like I had peaked in high school. I had a lot to live up to. I had to ultimately reach myself, the standards I set. I did pretty well for myself in high school, I had decent grades without having to try very hard, I was pretty active, and I graduated as salutatorian.

I guess it was just an adjustment going to college. I'd never learned how to study and in high school, I primarily relied upon my excellent memory. I guess thats a handicap. For midterm reports, my teachers should have all had the comment DNWP (Does Not Work to Potential). Why? Because I wasn't, and I knew I wasn't, hence the lackadaisical feelings. But now I begin to wonder, do I ever work to my potential?

We'll save that for a later post. Out Peace. I'm signing off. 11:34 CST

P.S. I'm back into the blog of things.

Major Decisions

So... I've finally decided to go through with changing my major. I'm going to change it to... dun dunna duuuuuunnnnn! Philosophy with a double minor in French & Photography. Doesn't that sound exciting. I'm going to still keep my interest in architecture. I'll take a few classes in that because I really do enjoy, just not as my major. I've decided to create my own educational and career path. I'm combining all my interest into one to make my mark on the world. I'll probably become something along the lines of an architectural photographer. Or maybe I'll do that as a hobby, become a trophy wife, and let my husband support me. LOL! Probably not. I still have a lot of thinking to do about it, but I'm feeling really swell about my decision. Well until next time, Peace Out! :D

Procrastination

That evil monster Procrastination has bitten me once again. I finally went to the store to get the stuff for my final yesterday. However, I still haven't started on it and I probably won't get much done on tomorrow. So it's due on Friday at 8 am. That gives me about 4 days working time to the 9 drawings and model, not to mention, the 12 - 15 page paper that I haven't started on either. Yeah this sucks but I brought it on myself as usual. But it's koo, I'll just apply my philosophy, don't worry about it and it won't cause any stress. If it gets done, it gets done; if it doesn't, it doesn't. I know that's kinda crazy with it being a final and ya know determines my passing or not, but whatever that really doesn't matter I just don't want any stress, so I have to take on that attitude. Maybe I should get started...maybe tomor...maybe Monday, definitely Monday. Well out peace, I'm signing off...

Reevaluate...

I'm sitting here about to watch RENT for the umpteenth thousandth time just thinking...I really need to reevaluate my lifestyle. My life is so out of focus right now. It's ridiculous. Lately, I've been feeling myself veering away from the old me. I know change is inevitable, but these changes aren't the changes I want to see. In the beginning of the school year I was feeling a bit like a lowlife. Not being able to focus, not caring, and just saying f*** everything and everybody. My feelings from the end of senior year carried over to this year. Exactly what I didn't want to happen, but I called it and it did happen. I didn't want to start off college with a I don't care attitude. But I did, and now I am attempting to fix it. There were a few points this semester when I felt like I was getting my life on track, but overall, it's not where I want it to be. Thus the need for the reevaluation. But ah well, it will get there eventually. I want to feel like me again and get out of this rut. I think I know what I need to do. The solution is probably floating around somewhere in my subconscious, just chillin and waiting for me to discover it. I will soon enough and really get my lifestyle in order. Well peace out, I'm signing off.

International Flava

So lately, I've been uncertain/unsatisfied with my decision to pursue a degree in architecture. Like I mentioned earlier, it's something that I enjoy doing but I never gave myself a chance to enjoy something else. I can see myself designing buildings, both residential and commercial, in the future. As I sat down to study for and take my exam today, I listened in on a conversation a 23 year old architecture male freshman was having with a 17 year old architecture female freshman about his age and delayed entry. He said he saved up and traveled after his senior year in high school, something I've been wanting to do. I really want to go to France and am planning a trip next summer my mother and I. To be a successful architecture student, I believe you have to be a student of the world. What better way to do that than travel and be an international student. I speak the language, sorta. I want to travel soon; however, there's always that nagging voice in my head saying where's the money, you'll fall behind in school, you gotta get shots {YIKES!!}, etc. Ummm...I don't know how I would finance the trip, but I think if I took a year off from school now (especially since I missed that in between senior and freshman year spot) I'll be more apt to accept my fate as a student of architecture and ready and willing to pursue it. I think it'll help a lot with the feelings I've been throwing around lately about getting too deep and wasting time in this major. I'll probably stick with it. Ah well major decisions. Peace out, I'm signing off.

S.S.D.D.

So today is just going from bad to worst. First, I was supposed to wake up at 7:00. But no, what time did I wake up? 9 o damn clock! So I missed my 8 o'clock English class. This was my fourth absence in there. So, what happens now? My grade gets automatically dropped a freakin letter. I missed French yesterday. For some reason I just have not been wakin up correctly. Yeah, Same Shit Different Day. But that's not it. I got my assignment for my final review in Design Comm. today. Yeah I made it to that class 30 minutes late, luckily its a 2 hour course. So yeah, got the assignment, its a doozy. 8 drawings and a model due in 11 days. O yeah he gave us this bullshit quiz on some student presentations from the beginning of the semester that I slept through. I mean wat the hell else was I supposed to do, listen? I don't think so. After that frightening disappointment, I move on to my next class and get my final assignment in there. Ummm...a 12 to 15 page paper on a museum exhibit done in a team of 2-3. This is ridiculous, I don't want nobody else having any kind of effect on my final grade. AAAAAAAArrrrrrggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yeah, let me chill and sign off before I shoot somebody. Peace out. ;(