The Beginning of the End

I can't believe my senior year is so rapidly approaching. It seems like three years of college have gone by in the blink of an eye. I mean my brother graduated at the beginning of this month (May 8, 2009) and it's my turn exactly one year later (May 8, 2010). When I was a senior in high school this was an exciting time. I was finally going to get out on my own. But now it's downright scary. After high school I knew my step was college. But this time there's no definite answer and that's what scares me, sometimes to the point of a panic attack just thinking about graduating. I'm still excited about the idea of earning my degree, but then what? Should I go to grad school or should I go to work or should I do both and take a year off then go to grad school? But where will I find a job or what will I study are the second round of questions that come up. I find that I'm battling free spiritedness and practicality in trying to make my decision. I would love to just live at the beach, enjoy the waves, and make music and art. Who wouldn't. So I try to be practical, but I'm having trouble figuring out a career path that would make me happy and my first choice life a possible reality. I know my first job out of college doesn't have to be the one that I'll stick with forever, but I don't want to be miserable at a job and none of the options I come up with seem like they would make me happy. Which is why if I could stay at this stage in my life for a little while longer until I could figure some things out, that would be cool. But grad school isn't the answer because if I choose the wrong field that won't make me this any better. Plus, I think I want a break from school before I get burned out. So I have this summer to figure it out, then back to school, then the dreaded graduation. Oh well. Peace out.