:D

Smile. U make me smile. Yeah you. Cheese.

Grrrr....

U know...I used to be one angry person. I used to justify that by labeling myself an unhappy child. I don't know what that did. I'm a stubborn person. I recognize my faults. But when I'm upset, I turn into a beast. My way or the highway baby. Everybody's wrong. When I'd get angry, I was like f*** this, f*** that, just f*** the world, and forget u too while I'm at it. Don't talk to me cause I don't wanna hear what u gotta say. The simplest, silliest, most trivial things used to upset me, like I was looking for a reason to be pissed. It's crazy like this demonic spirit would consume me and dictate my actions, thoughts, everything. Now that I look back, most of the stuff that drove a wedge between me and anybody was stupid. One simple thing. I let my frustrations build up and every single, occurrence fed into my anger. The monster that I became said what she wanted, did what she wanted, hit who she wanted, and dared somebody to say something to her or look at her the wrong way. I don't want to be that person anymore. I don't like that person. It takes way too much energy to constantly be in a state of madness. I'm learning to control my anger and let the little stuff slide. I still let my frustrations build up and I erupt, but not nearly as violently as I used to...I hope.

Well these are my confessions. I'm signing off. Peace.

Stepford

Has anyone else noticed the stepfordization (if that's a word) of people? I don't know what's the appeal of trends and fads and such. Why does everyone want to look like everyone else. Well... not everybody, but a lot of people blindly follow trends and faithfully believe in them. What the deal yo? Is something in the water? Why is it that, I can walk out my door and can't tell the difference between two people? I never got into trends, I always wanted my individuality. Not to say that I purposely went against trends to prove a point, that's just rebellious.

Mostly what I'm talking about here is clothing choice. I like some of the stuff that comes out, and I'll buy what I like. But what I don't support is getting something because it's supposedly the "new hottness." I feel like a lot of people dress a certain way because fashion magazines, prices, and other outside influences tell them so. I mean why else would their style of dress change so drastically so often. I understand an evolving wardrobe, but some stuff is just ridiculous. I've asked a few people why they dress the way they do, and I get some meaningless responses. "I just do." "Because..." "I like it. Don't you?" (Uh no not really) Their response to me. "You're weird." (Yeah ok. I'm the weird one, but you think it's ok to look like you just got spit off an assembly line.)

It's an epidemic! People, look through your closets and really evaluate your wardrobe. Do you really like everything? If you truly do, that's great. More power to you. But if you don't, then you need to reevaluate your lifestyle and not be a mindless slave to the world of fashion. Peace.

...

cogito, ergo sum

-Rene' Descartes

State of the World

Does anyone else see that the world, wait I can't speak for the world, but America is in a state of turmoil? The media is brainwashing people, sucking their lives right out of them. America has turned into a culture, and I'm taking this from my brother, of "spoon-fed" infants. I don't want to step on anyone's toes, but this needs to be said.

People base their lives on images and ideas that they come across in everyday life. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, not the maker of a universal standard of beauty. There is no universal standard of beauty. I REPEAT, THERE IS NO UNIVERSAL STANDARD OF BEAUTY. I really don't believe in changing yourself for other people. The idea of unnecessary plastic surgery loses me. I'm all for self-improvement if its really what you want and you're not basing your decision of the influence of others. God made everyone how they should be, and you shouldn't go purposefully messing up God's work. I'll admit, I once fell under the influence of others and their beauty standard. But now I know I'm perfect just the way I am. (In no way was that meant to sound conceited.) Following any standard but your own is basically setting yourself up for failure. If someone who "loves" you acts you to physically change yourself i.e. breast augmentation, nose job, liposuction, etc. Do they really love you if they can't take you as you are? And don't say those are imperfections, because they're only imperfection if they stray from that flawed non-existent universal standard of beauty.

Materialistic- concerned with material wealth and possessions at the expense of spiritual or intellectual values. What is the point? The obsession with name brands is ridiculous. I'll admit that at one point brand names mattered but not as much as it does to a lot of people. I mean who isn't at first, it's bred into you, well it is for most people. With me it was more of a casual preference. My mother bought me certain clothes and when I had to purchase my own clothes I just followed her lead. I couldn't afford it, but that was all I knew. I've never been one to follow clothing trends nor one to be very flashy. Now brand names mean nothing to me, I only have a preference for the way certain clothes fit. Certain brands fit better than others and that's the only influence on my choice. Not the cost of it. I don't buy stuff just because its expensive. But in a more general since, does having the most expensive car, clothes, jewelry, house, etc. make you happy? It shouldn't. Acquiring these material possessions won't make life greater or grander. If you're not happy with what you have, then you won't truly be happy with what you get. You'll just think well I don't have enough and try to get more. Life will turn into a vicious cycle. NO happiness there.

Anyway...on to consumerism- consuming material goods in excess of basic needs. Much related to materialism. Everywhere there is an advertisement for everything. Product pushing. Jeese Louise! It's ridiculous. The American public is preoccupied with the ideals and values of consumerism. America has an egocentric, mass-produced, consumer based society. Greed, greed, greed. More, more, more. Empty money hungry souls buy television time to thrust empty products and ideas into the homes of American citizens. No cessation. Whoever controls the products people consume, essentially controls the American public. Am I saying that the American public is a bunch of mindless people leading meaningless, consumer-driven lives? By golly she's got it. That's exactly what I'm saying! I'll just let that marinate.

Is this really all there is to life?

I don't think so, but we'll save that discussion for another time. Enough ranting for now, but I'll touch back on this tomorrow maybe. My hands are tired. Signing off. Peace Out.

Meditations on Life

My world...my world is changing. My priorities are getting in line and I'm growing up, making decisions that affect the rest of my life and its style. Who do I want to be? I want to be Wendi J., successful woman who inspires others. I want to be that starving artist, maybe not in the literal since of the word "starving" but in a figurative since. In the way that I'm dedicated to my craft and people can see the dedication coming through my pores. Getting a "proper" job is not my destiny, hence the decision I've come to. So mostly, I want to do what I love while inspiring others to get up and do the same. Forget what society dictates to us about what we have to do, what we have to look like, how we have to act, and who we have to be. Do you and forget everyone else. I'm an individual, everybody is an individual. However, not everyone embraces their uniqueness as I do. I know I'm weird and I love it, because I know who I am and no one dictates my life. A lot of people don't accept who they are or acknowledge what they really want to do. I feel sorry for them.

Where will I be in ten years? I no longer know. I used to have this extravagant outline for my life planned to a "T." But I realized there's no room for spontaneity and a lot of room for missed opportunity. As a result, I've decided to let things be and live day to day. "No Day But Today" right. lol. Real words to live by. I don't want my life to be filled with regrets. I'm quoting RENT here, "Forget regret or life is yours to miss." Jonathan Larson hit that nail dead on its head. I think instead of planning every waking moment of my life, I will develop timely goals to guide me. But if I need to stray off the well worn path, I will. Wait a minute, I'm already off the well worn path. But if I need to pull out my machete and cut my own path through the underbrush, I will. I want to be excited for my life, so I will take on ventures and develop a career that allows that.

How do I want to live? I want to live my life for me. Point Blank.

Haha. I wanna learn so much. If it really was an option, I would be a professional student. But since its not, I'll be an amateur student if you understand that. I'll still be a student for the rest of my life, just not in an institutional sense. I'll just acquire knowledge and use the textbooks of everyday life, learning something from every person I meet. I don't understand people who don't have a thirst for knowledge, who don't want to broaden their horizons. What's up with that. Knowledge only improves your quality of life. There's no harm in that. I think that's why I'm so attracted to philosophy. I mean it's the love of wisdom. There's nothing that can beat that.

I don't want to conclude this, but I must. Peace out. I'm signing off.

Major Decisions

So... I've finally decided to go through with changing my major. I'm going to change it to... dun dunna duuuuuunnnnn! Philosophy with a double minor in French & Photography. Doesn't that sound exciting. I'm going to still keep my interest in architecture. I'll take a few classes in that because I really do enjoy, just not as my major. I've decided to create my own educational and career path. I'm combining all my interest into one to make my mark on the world. I'll probably become something along the lines of an architectural photographer. Or maybe I'll do that as a hobby, become a trophy wife, and let my husband support me. LOL! Probably not. I still have a lot of thinking to do about it, but I'm feeling really swell about my decision. Well until next time, Peace Out! :D