Wasting Away

DNWP-Does Not Work to Potential. I've never gotten that comment, but I'm beginning to think I should have. I came into this world a very blessed person. I've frequently been told that I have many talents. I am not writing this in any way to brag on myself, but I consider myself intelligent, naturally athletic (I played basketball, baseball, volleyball, ran track, and swam), and artistic, basically just innately gifted. But what exactly am I doing with these gifts?

I've never really struggled in school. Most subjects come easy to me. I can read about a concept and understand it, or I can listen to a teacher lecture and understand it. Usually, I can be introduced to information once and recall it later for a test without having to "study hard," I just gets filed away. I've said this to many people, including teachers and a reporter, "I'm not as smart as most people think I am, I just have a good memory." Most people don't believe me, I don't know what I believe. I don't want to just rely on my memory, I want to optimize my intelligence. I guess I can start with cracking open a book and actually studying.

Sports were the same way, they came easy to me. I enjoy basketball, track, and swimming the most. I played volleyball and softball cause my dad suggested it, not because I really wanted to. I've played on a lot of basketball teams, I stopped playing organized ball in 8th grade. I played softball for one year and stopped, I played club volleyball for one year and stopped, and I ran track for one year and stopped. I seriously regret not running track anymore, the other two not so much. I stopped training for swimming after my accident really. I still leisurely play basketball, run, and swim though. But the point I'm trying to make is, when I think about that, I feel like a quitter. Granted I finished the seasons out before I stopped, but I still stopped. My excuse was teams aren't my thing. I'm not really sure I believe that. I'm not saying I was the best player on the teams and they were holding back my potential. I wasn't bad either. I was good, could've been great at somethings. What a waste.

Art is the same way, it came naturally. And now my talent is at a standstill. Why? Because I never really tried to develop it, because it didn't seem like I had to. I tell people all the time, "I'm not as good an artist as you think I am." I just have an eye. I have good hand/eye coordination and can replicate details pretty nicely. I probably shouldn't talk bad about myself, so I'll think I'll stop saying that. Anyway, that's going to change I'm working to improve my craft everyday now. You know the saying, "If you don't use it, you'll lose it." Well, I don't want to lose it. Art is my heart and I wanna practice it for the rest of my life. God has blessed me with these abilities, I want to find a way to do something with all of them and finally WFP- Work to my FULL POTENTIAL!

Signing off now...this has been quite the motivator today. 12:48 CST

P.S. The thing about teams not being my thing, complete fabrication. I enjoyed being on the Scholar's Bowl and Hi-Q teams. Ahh well....

Lackadaisical

You Know... early in the school year, I kept saying I felt like a low-life. It was a bad feeling, and I couldn't deal with. My thought process was all off towards the middle of first semester. I no longer wanted to be in school. I felt like I was wasting my time on someone else's dollar. Thinking about it like that just made me feel worse. One, I don't like wasting my time. Two, I don't like messing with other people's money. I think these feelings followed from my senior year in high school, a severe case of senioritis. I just stopped caring, work and class didn't concern me. I kept telling myself to stop being like that because I didn't want those feelings to follow me to college. And that's exactly what happened.

But its more than that. Its not just that I didn't care because I did. I wasn't doing what I needed to do, and that made me feel like I had peaked in high school. I had a lot to live up to. I had to ultimately reach myself, the standards I set. I did pretty well for myself in high school, I had decent grades without having to try very hard, I was pretty active, and I graduated as salutatorian.

I guess it was just an adjustment going to college. I'd never learned how to study and in high school, I primarily relied upon my excellent memory. I guess thats a handicap. For midterm reports, my teachers should have all had the comment DNWP (Does Not Work to Potential). Why? Because I wasn't, and I knew I wasn't, hence the lackadaisical feelings. But now I begin to wonder, do I ever work to my potential?

We'll save that for a later post. Out Peace. I'm signing off. 11:34 CST

P.S. I'm back into the blog of things.

Melancholy

I'm frustrated.... Once again... mi life is out of focus. ...sigh...

School's Out, Ring the Bell, Drop Your Books and Run Like....

So... I've been home since Tuesday. Enjoying myself. School is over. I made it through my first year as a college student. Well, congratulations Wendi J. This is one of those milestones people talk about. Will I be going back? I believe so, ask me again at the end of the summer. How did I do? Pretty good, but I'll let you know when I get my grades, then I can really reflect. Until then, PEACE!

It's May Already...

I'm slippin on my pimpin. Twice in April, we need to work on this.

P.S. I'll be home in 6 days! Yaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy!!!!!!!

Peace

P-Units

Over the years I've realized that I am very fortunate, very blessed in the parental unit department. First of all, I have both parental unit #1 and parental unit #2 in my life, in the same household. Most kids don't havge that. Secondly, I know my parents love me unconditionally. No matter what, I know they love me whether or not I'm the perfect angel or slipping up. But that's not what this is about.

I have a great relationship with my parents. We connect in a way that most kids and parents don't. We see eye to eye on most issues and even when we don't, I know they always have my best interests at heart.

My mom and I are very close. We are like sisters, especially since I've always wanted a sister. Some people think this is a bad thing; the line between parent and child is blurred or I'm just a "mama's baby," always hanging under my mother. But that's not the case either way. She sees the young lady I am becoming and respects the decisions I make, never treating me like a baby or trying to hinder me from growing. On the other hand, I know she is my mother and will always respect that role first. The fun that we have together, the inside jokes, the craziness, I know that it's all just extra. If we weren't this way she would still be my mother and that needs to be respected.

Nonetheless, we koo. lol. I have no problem being seen in public with my mom, whereas a lot of kids don't want to be seen anywhere near the same vicinity as their parents, devising schemes so they won't have to be. We get along great and she knows everything about me. Everything. Sure, we have our disagreements, but we never let them tear us apart. We always look at the bigger picture. I can't imagine growing up without this relationship with my momsy. I don't see how other people do it. If/when I have kids, I will have that kind of relationship with them.

On the other hand, me and my pops have a totally different relationship. No, he's not my brother (I got enough of those), he's my pops. We koo. For a while, I thought my dad and I didn't have a good relationship, only because it was different from me and moms. But now I see that's not the case, it's still good, just different. No, we don't joke around, act crazy, or shop together, but we still have an undeniable bond. When I talk to my dad, I get to step outside of myself and see the whole picture or see myself in a different light. He has this insight without even knowing the exact details that my mom has. I'm thankful for that.

He's a cool dude. I have two great parents in my life, so yeah, I'm very blessed!

Tuo Ecaep.

Welcome Back

Whew...it's been a whole month.

Yeah... so it's been a while. Sorry to disappoint all my loyal readers. This one goes out to my numbero uno. No, this post won't be some deep philosophical discussion. No, I didn't fall off the face of the earth. No, this won't be some anger induced rant. I'll keep it short and sweet. Why I've been missing? Hmmm...that's a good question.

But you know what, I don't have an answer. I've been slightly busier than usual, but it shouldn't keep me away from blogging. I enjoy blogging, even though I never thought of myself as a writer. Blogging has become a part of me. A significant part at that. I don't blog as often as I would like to, and this past couple of weeks has been horrible. Everyday I've been like, I really want to write, I really need to write. It's crazy.

So what's been keeping me? This folks... I do not know. I really have no clue. I can't analyze my way through this one. But ah well, I'll probably figure it out in a few days/weeks. Bye for now. I'll be back soon. No more extended, unannounced bloggernappings. Te he he. Out peace!